The Curious Cases of Dr House
by aspiringactor
Summary: Gregory House is without a doubt the smartest man in the Hospital. That's why he gets all the weird cases.


_**The Curious Cases of Dr. House:**_

_**A/N: As you can guess, this series of one-shots will focus on Dr House's more...unusual cases. The focus will be on cast interaction, and not on medical science (I'm not a Doctor, so I'd mess things up.) And the three wrong diagnosis theme the show had will be removed. I'm going to strive to make all the cases as believable as possible, so the crossing over fandom will have to be compatible with House's universe. So no Star Wars, Star Trek, Avatar, Pokemon, etc**_

"Female, mid twenties, fell over while riding her bike and-"

"Boring."

"...signs of osteoporosis and-"

"Really boring."

"...mild-"

"got a gun? I think I wanna shoot myself," the man with the scruffy grey-brown hair said as he bounced a small red ball off of the wall in his office. He was being confronted by a younger, balder man with dark skin. Otherwise known as the dean of medicine at Princeton Plainsborough Hospital. The man with the ball was Dr Gregory house. Easily the smartest person in the entire hospital. And also the most annoying, irritating and most complained about.

"Fine," Foreman sighed as he took another case out of the folder. "Man in his mid-twenties started vomiting and shaking uncontrollably three hours ago. Three doctors have tried and failed to take him on."

"That's because they're all idiots," House said as he snatched the file from Foreman's hand. He began to read it over, with his interest peaked.

"Funny," Foreman said as he headed for the door. "He was of the same opinion."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you sure that needle was properly sterilized?" the man asked from where he lay on the bed, causing the two Doctors to look at each other and sigh. They had been dealing with this particular man for twenty minutes, and had been gritting their teeth for nineteen and a half.

"Yes, Mr Cooper," the male Doctor, named Chase replied with a drawn out breath. He and the other Doctor, named Adams, exchanged painful glances. They both knew that the other wanted to be out of there as soon as possible.

"It's _Doctor _Cooper," the patient replied sharply as he rolled his eyes. "And if I get an infection from your lack of professional conduct, I promise, I will sue." He finished with a sigh, as Chase looked over to his left, where Dr Cooper's friend, Leonard, simply gave him an apologetic sigh. _Clearly the patient's behaviour is not a symptom,_ Chase thought with a grimace as he stuck the needle into the man's arm.

"Don't worry Dr Cooper," Adams said as she gritted a smile at the patient. "All of our needles are properly disinfected before and after being packaged. As well as the rest of our equipment. There are no diseases here."

"Well I beg to differ!" the patient squealed. "A hospital is a breeding ground for super-bacteria! Disinfectants kill of ninety-nine point nine percent of bacteria," Dr Cooper ranted as Chase pulled the needle out of his arm, along with some blood, which caused the man to squirm somewhat. "The remaining zero point zero one then reproduces, even stronger than before, because it's immune to-"

"We need to go run some tests," Chase cut in with a smile. "On your blood. We'll be back as soon as we can. And hopefully with answers, so you can be on your way."

"Good," Dr Cooper said with a huff, as the two medical doctors made their way to the exit. "Because it's Wednesday. It's comic book night!"

"You know," Adams said as soon as the two of them where out of earshot of the patient. "This case might go by easier if we dope him up on morphine." Chase simply nodded in complete agreement, as the two of them marched down the hallway, towards the office of the man who was now the second most annoying thing in the hospital.

XXX

"He was at a convention," Dr Chris Taub said as he placed his hands on the table. "It has to be a severe case of an easily-transferable illness. Influenza would-"

"He's a huge germaphobe," Adams replied with a sigh as she brushed aside a strand of her own hair. "He insisted that we change the bedsheets before he would sit on them. And he demanded that Chase wear gloves and I wear a hairnet. I don't think he'd let that happen. Not in a million years."

"Even a germaphobe can get sick," the dry voice of Dr House said as he limped into the room, on his trademark cane. "Especially when walking around in a crowd full of slimy, sticky science fiction fans dressed up in homemade costumes." He paused as he walked over to his whiteboard, and pulled out a black marker. On the board, he wrote several words, which included 'Shaking,' 'Vomiting' and 'Annoying.' "The patient's symptoms started four an a half hours ago, correct?"

"Yes," Taub replied with a nod. "Two hours after leaving the convention. That's not a long gestating period, if you ask me."

"Unless," House said as he stared at the whiteboard with a hard stare. "The patient lives in Pasadena, correct? That's a half-day train ride from here. It's likely he picked something up-" All eyes turned to see their patient walking down the hallway, wearing nothing but a hospital gown. He was followed by his friend, who seemed to be protesting him. And as the gathered doctors rushed ouutside, they heard the trail end of the conversation.

"I'm not staying in this dirty, bacteria-infested hospital a moment longer Lenard. I will not," Cooper said as he continued to walk, holding his head high as he did so.

"Sheldon," the man's friend, Lenard protested vehemently, "you're sick! I think you should trust the doctors to do their job. That's what they went to school for and-"

"Excuse me," House said as he walked up to face their patient, who turned to face him. "I'm Dr House, currently heading the team who's in charge of your treatment," he finished as he leaned onto his good leg, and twirled his can in a circle.

"Oh good," Cooper smiled creepily, "the you can-"

_WACK! _Cooper fell to the ground, out cold as House calmly turned around, placing his cane back on the floor, completely undamaged from it's contact with a human skull.

"Out him on a gurney," House muttered as he began to walk away. "Then check him for ticks. The little buggers have got a thing for train coach cushions. And maybe give him something for his headache while you're at it."

_**A/N: Well, how was that? Does anybody want any more? If so, leave a comment (and if you can also try and give a reason for their Hospital visit, that'd be grand)**_


End file.
